This New Year is going to be a better one for me – I know it.  Why, you ask?  Because I learned to do what makes me happy and keep myself sane.  Again, I encourage all of you reading this to never give up on your happiness because regret is something I’ve seen destroy people – not a pretty site.  To those who are my best friends, you all know who you are.  You all have my eternal love and loyalty and I owe to each and everyone of you so much.  I hope someday you get rewarded for being such wonderful people.  To the “new people in the group,” even though we haven’t met for a long time, I feel we are connected in some way and I am so happy I got the chance to bond with you even between the drama was spiraling intensely near you.  To the rest of you, all of you are in my life for whatever reason and could not be more thankful.  The latter because what does not kill me makes me stronger and I feel a heck of a lot stronger.

For this upcoming wonderful time of year I wish you all nothing but the warmest wishes from the bottom of my heart.

- L

Day 30 – The End.

11:29 p.m.

The day is almost over.  A month without alcohol.  Like I mentioned in my last entry, I can’t believe it.  It went by so fast now that I think about it.  I.  Did.  It.  I was able to prove to myself once more that when I want to achieve anything, I just have to put my whole mind and soul to it.  It was a good reminder about how strong my will power is – a nice refresher about the kind of strength I possess.  It’s quite comical I actually made plans to go out to celebrate tomorrow.  I am going to drink?  Most likely. I even picked out what I wanted to drink once I hit my favorite bar.  However, to be completely honest, I really don’t have that much of an urge to have a drink.  If you have followed my blog during this month, you know that I have been going through self-exploration and analysis of my own persona.  I believe I mentioned in one entry that once I took alcohol out of my life, it got to the point that it became irrelevant due to the fact that I found other activities that were not only fun but healthier too.

People lose hope many times in my life – I believe the latter is not fair.  So one of the reasons I engage in these types of personal challenges is to install hope on others – to let them know sometimes in life you just need to commit and put your head into whatever it is that you want to accomplish.  I guess there’s nothing more to be written in this Alcoholic Diary.  If you had followed me so far, thank you for the support.  If you’ve just skipped around from entry to entry, I also thank you.  Regardless, I hope my Sober adventure not only entertained you, but also helped you reflect on various aspects of your lives – and regain any lost hope.

- L

Day 29 – The Future.

11:19 p.m. (next day)

One more day and it’s over.  I can’t believe I already went through a month with no drinking.  In fact, today it didn’t even crossed my mind until it was almost time for me to go to bed and call it a day.  I was productive and had loads of fun.  I got to go to the gym; I got invited to dinner with nice people; and ended up spending a good amount of time getting to know potential new friends.  Which I noticed it’s something I like to do – meet people.  Then I wondered if the latter was one of the reasons I enjoy bars so much.  Because no matter what, you always end up talking to someone new or at least reinforcing your bonds with people you barely know.  Who knows.  I am happy.  Happy I am almost close to my goal and can say I did it.  When it’s all over, I don’t know what I’ll do to be honest.  I may stay sober for more time.  But I may also not.  Probably I’ll drink again the first chance I get on Thursday when my month is officially over in order to celebrate.  Ironic, ain’t it?  Ha, ha !  Oh, well.  Life if full of paradoxes and complexities that spice up the same.  I really don’t know what else to write because I am just thinking I want it to be tomorrow so I can write my last entry and make it official ;D.

- L

Day 28 – The Options.

7:27 p.m.

I can’t believe it’s almost 8:00 p.m. and I am about to call it a day.  I was so busy this past weekend or doing so many things during my days off…  I am completely drained.  It was funny how I remember I said once that I didn’t like my days off because I had nothing to do.  Well…  I was wrong.  Today, I got to see how I have to option to either engage in some type of activity or choose to just lay around and me a walrus the whole day.  Whenever you feel you have nothing to do, you have to options of doing something about it.  It could be as simple as reaching to old friends or acquaintances you haven’t heard in a while.  Or you can find new activities to get involved in and try them out (like me and running).  You can play a video game that brings you back to “the good o’ days” or explore your artistic side.  There’s millions of things you can fo when feeling “bored” or when “there’s nothing to do.”  I also thought about those people that post on the facebook Statuses “Bored to death” or anything around the lines.  Well, obviously fb is not the answer so here’s a piece of advice: go do something else.  Or at least try.  Because for sure if you stay on fb, you’re going to stay bored.  But if you go and text an old friend or try doing some of your chores, probably you’ll get yourself entertained.  Worst case scenario, you might still be bored, but you got all (or almost all) your chores done.  You can also apply the same to many of life issues.

Let’s say you’re doing A and it’s making you think and feel B and as a consequence you C happens.  But you don’t like the outcome C.  Most likely, if you keep doing A, C is going to keep happening.  Then what do you do?  Don’t do A.  Chances are if you don’t do A, you won’t have the same B thoughts and feelings; thus, C won’t occur.  Yes.  Not all situations are that easy – but some of them are.  So might as well tackle the ones we can, right?  Like I mentioned in one of my entries, this month has been full of challenges hit me hard.  I had many options to decide how to deal with the latter.  I decided to choose excercise.  I decided to be positive.  I decided to explore my inner persona to get to know me better.  I decided to move on with the life I have.  I decided to drag myself back and create the path to what I want to accomplish in the future.

It’s like this Sober Month too.  I had the option of drinking and say “f*ck it.”  But I chose to keep to my word and use this opportunity as a test of how strong my will power is.  And on a bigger agenda, I hope I can reach to many people as possible and install the hope they may have lost.

Now I am going to enjoy my tea and watch Futurama – what better way to relax?

- L

Day 27 – The First Round.

11:16 p.m.

Today completes the weekend.  A weekend I did not spend at bars at all.  Not because I didn’t want to face Alcohol (by now it’s obvious I can handle being around the same), but because other things came up.  I did wanted to go to the bars and dance the night away.  But!  I noticed that I have numerous options to choose from to have fun.  The end of this day concludes a weekend I “survived” without going to the clubs.  And it felt nice.  I liked the fact I got reminded how much fun I can have without having to “go out.”  It was a nice refresher to have friends call you for help; to have them let you know how much they appreciate you; how important you are in there lives…  The latter appropriate conversations when going to the movies or over dinner than a less intimate place like at a bar.

On another note, my Sober November is almost coming to an end.  Call me cocky, but I am already feeling victorious.  If I went through weeks without a drop of alcohol, I’ll handle a couple of days with ease.  And yes, I am probably going t celebrate with a drink or too.  However, I have to say that this Sober experienced has put many things into perspective.  I learned very much while standing on “the other side.”  So I believe I might keep it up from time to time.  How would I schedule my Soberness?  Meh.  Don’t want to think about it now.  To be honest, I might just let it happen.  I am pretty sure I’ll wake up some of the days with a craving of Club Sodas and Lime rather than Whiskey Sours.

- L

Day 26 – The Fiasco II.

6:26 p.m. (next day)

…  Just guess the reason behind the title of this entry.  If you guessed “Oh, sh*t…  He fell asleep again” then you’re completely accurate.  Two nights in a row I just fell asleep.  And in the same pattern!  There’s was a small piece of information I didn’t gave out when posting Day 25′s entry.  Thing is that before going out, I thought to myself “Heck.  Let me take a 10-minute nap before going out.”  Well, it didn’t work Friday and it didn’t work this time either.  F*cking great.  And again, I woke up all startled and saw texts from the friend I was suppose to meet asking where was I and such.  I have mix feelings about the situation.  I think it’s this whole life changing process I am now where I am a working man and not a student.  The latter lives are COMPLETELY different.  Both have their ups and downs.  However, being a student is known ground for me – it’s something I know how to handle.  Holding an occupation?  Not so much.  But I feel I am learning how to do it.  I just didn’t see this happening now – being so tired that I can’t go out and enjoy the night life.  But then again, it’s more knowledge I get about life.  I might as well just treat it the same as this Sober Month: something that will alter my lifestyle, but I will overcome.

- L

Day 25 – The Fiasco.

5:56 p.m. (2 days after)

You have to be f*cking kidding me.  After an exhausting day of work and an intense workout I say I deserve to go out.  You know, to dance and have fun ans such.  The way I like it.  But what happens?  I f*cking fall asleep…  Like really, what a f*cking fiasco.  SO not fair.  I was so angry when I noticed I woke up the next day.  No!  NO!  Ugh…  I was so annoyed.  I even made plans with one of my friends.  Probably the latter is what makes me so angry.  I am the type of person that when I say “I’ll be there” I am there, no matter what.  Same goes when I say I cannot make or or if it’s a “maybe.”  So for me to not make it somewhere I said I was going to be at, makes me irritated.  But then again…  I was tired.  I’ve been given more responsibilities at work – so it’s more intense.  Then immediately when I get home, I grab my gym bag and run 3 miles.  So it does make sense that when I get home I feel tired…  Meh.  I might sound like a whiner, but I still think it’s bogus that I didn’t get to go out.  Though, I did get a good sleep and woke up refreshed.  Not with a nasty hungover and feeling sorry for myself.  Short entry, I know.  But I am a tad annoyed still.  Hopefully, I’ll be in the mood tomorrow.

- L

Day 24 – The Eventful Thanksgiving.

8:11 p.m. (2 days after)

Happy Thanksgiving!  Alright, now that formalities are done and over with, let’s move on, shall we?

It’s 5:10 p.m. and my bestie is waiting outside for me to get out at 5:30 p.m. in order to have our Thanksgiving.  I was so excited because: 1) I get to spend it with one of my besties and 2) I thought I was going to spend Thanksgiving alone.  So as I am finishing my documentation, the Universe starts to act up.  Why?  Karma, I guess.  But then again, I am not a horrible human being.  Karma needs to check that list again.  Anyhow, one of my clients decides to a family member to tell the same “I don’t want to go through the same thing as I did last night!”  So what happens?  Now it’s time to investigate a possible abuse situation.  On Thanksgiving.  Twenty f*cking minutes before I was out.  Great…  For a second I think to myself, “I need a drink…”  Thankfully, I didn’t have to face this alone – My Teammate and I sprung into action immediately.  Yes, yes.  We wanted out because it was Thanksgiving; however, I believe we share a passion with the clients we work with.  So there was no way we would not look into this and just brush it off.

I want to point out that we’re awesome because at 5:30-ish p.m. we were on our merry way and everything was resolve.  I say we make a pretty good team.  Obviously I have A TON to learn, but I believe I am doing my best and will get better and better as time passes (that and I have no choice if I want to keep my job, LOLs).  Soon enough, after that “I-almost-got-stuck-at-work” scene, I was with my bestie on our way to the suburbs.  We’re jammin’; talking about life; I was secretly planning to steal her mother’s pets; and then…  BAM!  We get f*cking rear-ended.  At a red light.  With no traffic.  Great…  So for the next hour, we’re talking to the 18-year-old who apparently has depth perception issues; conversing with the latter’s mother to let her know the kid is fine; and socializing with the police personnel while getting the report number for the accident.  ”I would have had a shot after this,” I caught myself thinking.  It’s almost 8:00 p.m. and we’re starving.  So we hit the next best thing.  And by that I mean we stopped at a Denny’s that was nearby to get food to go and rush to our destination to pig-out.

After eating, we decided to go see The Muppets movie in theaters.  HOLY SH*T, IT WAS AWESOME!  Granted, it’s not the best movie in the world, but it is rather entertaining. Though, I was so tired from the day before, I fell asleep on some of the parts.  Which is a shame because the movie was hilarious.  After that, my friend drove me home around midnight.  And I have to go to sleep because I have work tomorrow.  Though, I thought about how a small drink will help me knock myself out and sleep soundly.

During the whole evening of today, I was thinking about a drink and how it would calm me down – that’s all it is.  I believe I use alcohol because I know for a fact it will calm me down immediately when drinking it.  Plus, the fact that I know it acts as a depressor in the human body contributes to my desire to drink.  SO I got to thinking that drinking in some situations is not bad.  I mean, it does help you calm down and have a sense of control.  For those of you who drink, have you ever just sat down after a stressful day; grab a drink; and the minute the liquor washes your mouth you breath in and exhale with a sigh?  I know I do.  It makes me feel the anxiety is not there.  The issues or problems are still present, but I don’t feel the stress.  I might explore these thoughts later.  I am to tired to keep writing.

So yes.  Not the most perfect Thanksgiving.  But spending time with the people you love, it will never get old.  Though, I am expecting a better one next year.  Ha, ha.

- L

Day 23 – The Assessment.

4:51 p.m. (3 days after)

6:30 a.m…  I am at the gym…  The things I do sometimes are beyond my comprehension.  Anyone who gets to know me, one of the things that becomes clear about my persona is that I am NOT a morning person.  I don’t function well.  Mornings is something my brain cannot comprehend.  Moving on…

I was there for an “assessment.”  And by “assessment” I mean the trainer has you do a lot of weird exercises and then tell you how much you suck.  In a nice way, though.  And with a smile you just want to SLAP out of the trainer’s face.  But since you’re either too tired or feeling sorry for yourself, slapping another person is the last of your priorities.  I appreciated the fact he let me run, nonetheless.  And you know my relationship with running – I am completely infatuated with it.  So after an hour of being judged, I ran home and got ready for work.

Guess what happened next?  I was basically scraping every ounce of energy to keep myself awake every hour. It was ridiculous how tired I was.  I even fell asleep at the barbershop I went to after work.  It was so embarrassing.  Thank the heavens my barber and me are close…  The latter took some of the embarrasment away.

Thankfully, I got out of there soon enough to go to…  THE GYM!  Yes. I went to the gym.  Why?  Because I need running in my life.  Apart from stating the obvious, I got into my “realization mode” today.  While running, I was thinking of all the things I did today.  Then I compared today with yesterday and the day before and so on. You could say I did an assessment of my own. Then it hit me.  I didn’t even think of alcohol at all.  I believe I have conditioned my brain to just not think about alcohol anymore because it’s not relevant to my life.  And, to be honest, the latter seems like a good statement to reflect on regarding other situations in life.  Don’t you think?

- L

Day 22 – The Lost Memories.

9:49 a.m. (4 days after)

Today was one of those typical days.  You know, when nothing out of the ordinary happens.  I mean, I had a lot of work and when you work in my field, something is always up.  Though it wasn’t something epic.  Anyhow, I get home and I get on my computer (as always) and start browsing to see what’s new.  I chat with a couple of friends but bid my farewells soon after because I am heading to the gym.  I need my runner’s high.  It is something I look forward to each day.  And yes, I am going to say I love running just because I can.  …  …  …  I love running!  So after running LIKE A BOSS (or at least I like to believe so in my head) I went home.  Oh!  And one thing that I think it’s really cool is that after I finish my workout I can go outside and even though it’s freezing I don’t feel the cold.  I know I get amused easily.  Let me be. 

I get home and sit down in front of my computer screen to have one if my besties acuse me of having some pictures of a concert we went to.  I remembered the concert.  The pictures?  Not so much.  Since my camera has been out of service for so long, I barely remember when was the last time I used it.  So to me, those pictures were either somewhere in the social media world or obliterated by the delete button.  Hold and behold, after searching like a mad man, I found them!  And not only the concert ones, but also other amazing pictures!  Pictures of my last days with my colleagues!  Oh, my face was beaming.  It was awesome to down memory lane avenue.  I miss them (well, some of them, but you get the point). 

I noticed that most of those pictures were in places were alcohol was involved.  Shocker.  And I wondered if I would have had the same amount of fun IF I had not drank those times.  The answer: I don’t know.  Though, I am pretty sure I would have.  This month has been a lot of ups and downs where drinking has crossed my mind.  But I proved to myself that I CAN have fun without drinking.  That I CAN socialize with people without needed liquid courage… 

That I CAN be myself no matter what.

- L